Thank You for Caring About Me

Dr. Erin Fleener

Dr. Fleener: My name is Dr. Erin Fleener and I am a medical oncologist in Bryan/College Station, Texas. My dad is a really great physician. He's a great oncologist but he's just a great doctor. He just looks at people and takes care of them, the whole person, and believes in what he does. And so he shared with me a lot of things early on, not necessarily about being in oncology, but about being a physician, about putting the patient first. This will almost make me cry, but he told me one time when I was in medical school, he said "When you are so tired, when you're a resident, you're going to be so tired. You're going to work a hundred hours a week and you're just going to be exhausted." And he said "You're going to go in and see a patient, and you're going to think 'I can't even take one more step. I'm so tired.' and you just draw strength from your patients, because they're weaker than you. They've been there. They're sick." And so he said "You will draw strength from your patients. That's what you will do." So, he wrote me a letter when I graduated from medical school and he wrote many things in it, but that is one that always sticks out, that when you just think you can't do it anymore. And that's true, really in oncology, and people are sick, and I think "I can't go back to work." I used to be like "Ah I don't even know if I can go back to work." Now I wake up and I think the best thing I can do is I can just go back to work. And God always puts somebody right there in the middle of the day who says "Did you know Dr. Fleener saved my life? I just love Dr. Fleener." And you just think, God put that little angel right there, when I think I'm not maybe doing my job the best I could or something. Then you realize, no, you are. These things are just happening that are out of my control. So just drawing strength from your patients, you just go into the next room. That is what you do, you just go see the next patient.

Dr. Fleener: If you're trying to help an oncology patient, if you have a friend or a family member that has cancer, obviously every word that comes out of your mouth, your heart is in the right place, but do your very best just to just not to create doubt in their mind about what they're doing. It's their journey. And so some people are going to choose chemo and some people aren't. And some people are going to go to a big cancer center and some people are going to choose to go to stay close to home. And you know, some people are going to fight harder than others for various reasons. But when you're supporting them, I think your theme of here to listen is really crucial because that's probably the best way you can support is to help them get to their own conclusions and not to create doubt for them. Because I have so many patients that are getting care with us, or wherever they'r getting care, and the friend says "Why aren't you taking this high dose vitamin C infusion?" or "Why aren't you going to MD Anderson?" or "Why haven't you had a scan? Did your doctor scan you? Why haven't you had this?" and then all of a sudden the patient is thinking "Oh my gosh, did I miss something? Was I supposed to do a scan? Maybe high dose vitamin C is going to save my life and I didn't even realize it and Dr. Fleener forgot to tell me?" It just creates this doubt that they're not doing everything. And for better of for worse they're on this journey so if you could do one thing, it would be to not create doubt in the patient's mind. Just encourage them, 99% of oncology centers in this country know what they are doing. So, if they have a good relationship with that team, then there is no reason to create any doubt about it. If the relationship isn't good or there are trust issues, then maybe even suggestions about other things is a good idea. I think that if the person has confidence about the walk that they're on, not creating doubt in their mind is so so important so they can just move forward. Otherwise, they are paralyzed by it. It's a paralyzing situation to have doubt when you have cancer. So you just have to be able to move forward one day at a time and I think that is the worst thing you can do if you're a caregiver is to create doubt in somebody's mind.

Dr. Fleener: I think that being a doctor changes you no matter what but being an oncologist definitely does. It does make me, I never want to wait for the last minue for anything, travel, time with family. I'm kind of a "Let's do it next week. Let's do it." You just feel like you take care of enough people that are your age, that are sick, that you just don't know when that's going to happen. So I do live life fuller than I think I would if I wasn't an oncologist. I'm usually just looking a few hours ahead so I live on a shorter timeline than some people trying to find joy. So I think that I find that so much more important than if I wasn't an oncologist. Just every day trying to find some joy, even if it's been a bad day. Just thinking "Okay, tomorrow it's going to be a better day." So I think that being an oncologist has changed me. I often say taking care of cancer patients is a team sport, and all of us were really good at team sports growing up and that sort of lead us into this. In fact, it's not a sad place to work. It's probably one of the more uplifting places to work for sure. And it's definitely the most inspiring place to work. If you want a job that inspires you to do a good job doing something, you need to come work in oncology.

Dr. Fleener: One of the most moving stories I can think about a patient that died, her friends come in, sometimes her husband doesn't come in, but she sent me a thank you card while she was on hospice, so I got it after she had passed away. And it just had one line, well it had its own stuff but she had written one thing and signed it, and it said "Thank you for caring about me." But what I thought was interesting about it, we have a Christmas party every year, and I threw it up as part of the Powerpoint, cause I do this kind of little presentation for the staff. And I said "Isn't it interesting that she said 'Thank you for caring about me' not 'Thank you for caring for me'?" Because we cared for her for a long time but what she wrote was "Thank you for caring about me." What a beautiful statement. Anyway, I showed that to my staff. I said "This is all twenty of you that work here. From the billers who tried to get her extra help to the people who answered the phone and got her in on a day she was sick, to the nurses in the back to the doctors. Thank you for caring about me." It's like the one thing you can do for people.