I Don't Have Time for This
Pina Piñones
Time
Meggie: I feel like if I could name this dance piece we are going to make for you, I feel like it would be "I don't have time" (Laughing) because that is an overarching theme to your story.
Pina: (Pina Laughing) Yeah because I do not have time for it, I do not, yeah the doctors said "What do you mean, you don't have time for it? You gona have to make time for it" and I said "No, sir, I don't have time for it, let's just do it, and let's be done with it, I have things to do" – and I think he had a hard time with that, because I never quit and that's why we never stopped working through it because we just thought I didn't have time for it.
Pina: I wasn't going to let it stop me
Kids
Pina: You know, I probably needed them then, but to see them hurt, because of what they're seeing me go through, that hurts more. And I know it probably doesn't make sense to them, uh but as a parent, you never want to see your kids hurt. And if they're hurting because they see you hurt, cause I can deal with anything, but I can't deal with seeing them hurt for me, especially because I can't, I can't do anything about it, because I am the reason that they hurt. You know I am the reason, I am causing it in some sense, because they hurt for me, because I'm hurting, and so that was easier for me to just go through alone and not tell them.
That it hurt to take a shower, you know I couldn't move, or that I had to crawl to the bathroom because I didn't feel well, or anything like that, because had they seen it, witnessed it, it would have been very difficult for them.
Yeah, but you know they want to be there for me, and they you know were some after …
And it wasn't until, after radiation, that I was done that they really didn't even know what they had gone through, that I had held it in and just kept it in that whole time and hadn't said anything, that I finally I couldn't do it anymore, you know because I just had to tell them what I had gone through, because I was the only one that knew.
Pina: I mean, I was given, two things were thrown at me at one time, and I had to choose what was more important, and I did because I didn't have time for the other one. You were one and you ... I have breast cancer, I called my husband, because he is a teacher, and I told him that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and he just stopped, and said he wanted to be there, through it all, and that he would support me, and called me back ... and said "I want you to listen to me, I need you to get ... and I want you to get out of my house, and I am not the kind of person to ask questions and that was not the moment to worry about "Why do you want me to move out?" or to ask, I just said "ok". And I moved out.
I had this watch that I needed links taken off because I have very small wrists, and so we walked in and it was the day that I had shaved my head, we walked because it was right across the street and so we walked from where they shaved my hair off to get my watch fixed, and I walked in and there was an older gentlemen and the owners are him and his wife, and he just thought he'd ask me "Why would I shave my head?" and I just looked at him like, and I didn't say anything, and he said "Why would you, why would you shave your head? Are you lesbian?" – and I just…I didn't get upset or anything, and I said "I don't have a choice, I didn't have a choice" and he said, "Of course, everybody has a choice." – and I said, "You're right, but I (do/don't 4:20ish) have a choice in this, I have cancer, so it's going to fall anyway"
I am who I am, and nothing that anybody says is going to change that.
Humor
Pina: Talking about the hair, and how we ... just the fact that the hair wasn't working for that day or something, that it wasn't cooperating and then I said, or I made a comment about having a bad hair day, and I sent this picture with a bald face and no eyebrows, and said ‘I'm having a bad hair day' and they thought it was funny, and all of them commented the same thing that it was not funny, and I just thought it was, because I thought, you know, I can't possibly have a bad hair day ever because I don't have any! (Chuckled) and I always had to make a joke out of it, somehow or the other, because you have to, you have to laugh about it.
I thought it was hilarious, but they didn't find it funny, and—
Meggie: I think I would have laughed with you (chuckling)
Pina: Yeah, (chuckling) I mean, it is what it is, so its okay, (laughing) It's just hair. I know they would get real upset when I'd make jokes like that, but you know, I know that they've made comments, now that they say "You know mom, you always had that smile, you always smiled throughout the whole thing, and you got through it."
And you have to, you have to have that attitude, that's how I feel.
Faith and Others
Pina: To me it was like a test, and I wasn't going to fail, because he's never failed me, you know we all have our moments, because we are allowed that, we're allowed to keep experiencing, but we don't give up, and we don't….you don't lose your faith. And I never did, and it feels like it's stronger, and I think that is why I am the way that I am, because he had never failed me, and so I can't fail him, because I was given something to deal with because it doesn't compare to what he dealt with.
I'm real careful, because everybody's different, I know what I went through and I know how I feel, but no two stories are the same.
Meggie: Well Pina, you are wise, you may not think you have a lot to offer, but I think a lot of people could learn that perspective from you, that's gold right there.
Pina: I am just me.
Meggie: We all are.