I Am Home Now

Bill Scarmardo

Quartet

Bill: I sat her down and she looked at me with those eyes, and she looked at me, and I knew I had to let her go. That was a hard decision, to let her go, because she was tired she wanted to go, and I just kept taking care of her and extending her life and she didn't want me to do that. So I had to let her go, and I told her, I told her "I'll let you go."

We got to the hospital on the course of an examination day, took a cat scan, and I noticed the mass on her brain, they said it was most likely a tumor, it was probably cancer, and my whole life changed.

What really drives you through this whole process is hope, you have to have hope, and back then I had tons of hope. When we ran out of options, it's just that sick feeling in your stomach you know there's nothing left, just accept death, and then my prayers became praying for a peaceful death.

But the night she died, her family was all there, my brothers and sisters as well, and we prayed the Rosary for her and we finished the Rosary and she was in the later stages of cancer where she was breathing, her breathing was real shallow, and I leaned over and I told her I loved her, and I told her to go home and she needed to go home, and she took a deep breath and that was it.

That part of me that makes me whole, it's gone its missing and it hurts. I thought of my wedding vows at the funeral: "until death do us part."

Duet

Bill: It was in December Because youth group was decorating a float in the back of church and it was a little bit cold, Tricia was, when I pulled up I had never saw her before, and I saw her, and I sort of said hello and introduced myself to her but nothing, that was it so I went inside to go to mass, and so when I went into church I sat probably about the middle of the church and she was on my mind and so I was making it, so I kept turning around and looking back to see if she would come in, and when she did come in she was with my cousin, so I didn't want him to move in, because I wanted to have an opportunity to date her, so I got up where I was sitting and I went back and sat with them, and when I sat down, she uh actually, she actually moved over, and then I moved over too, and she moved over again, and then I moved over, and she kept moving over until she couldn't move any more, and then she took her hat off, her little ski cap and then she put it down between us and I picked it up and I gave it to her and I moved over and it was sitting next to her and I was very pushy.

She was talking to my niece Loretta, and when I came up to Loretta, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and then I turned to Tricia, and I told her hello, and asked her 'Would you like to go on a date?' and she said "No," and I said, "Can I at least have your telephone number?" and she said, "No" and I asked her if she would marry me, and she said "No" and then she started to say, "You come here and you kiss this girl and then you turn around and you ask me out on a date."

Then I said, "She's my niece," and she said "Sure ..."

Trio

Bill: I wasn't much of a coffee drinker, I really never drank coffee my whole life, I drank a cup every now and then, but Tricia liked coffee so I became a coffee drinker to spend time with my wife in the morning. When we would go somewhere, she would look for matching coffee cups as a souvenir, and then she would bring these coffee cups home, and we would drink, and those coffee cups would be a reminder for where we been, just like "Oh! Have you been to Bushard Gardens?"

Meggie: No I don't think so ...

Bill: They were famous places, it's a beautiful garden, it's in Victoria. She would say, "Let's go to Bushard Gardens today (laughing)" and we'd drink coffee and talk, and it was very, very memorable. I still got my coffee cups.

Meggie: That's really sweet.

Bill:And if I woke up, she'd make the coffee and she poured the coffee, and I'd notice the cups didn't match, then I knew I was in trouble.