Aza Gail

Chris Piñones

Chris: See now it's weird, ok, so I feel like two things, but the number one thing is I feel like the day that I met the miserable lady with cancer, that that was like my wake up moment, I mean it was...thank God it was just less than 24 hours later but I feel like that was a gift from God to put it in my face to make a choice, but I feel like I had to make that choice, Of which way to go so it was my choice, but God put it in my face where it was almost... like you give a kid a bag of candy, here is a bag of broccoli, which one do you want?

I mean duh. But I feel like God did that for me, which on do you want, that obvious, but I still had to choose it, so on one hand it is my choice, but it Is a gift that I was confronted with the choice so blatantly but then after the choice, I feel like every joy, like every piece of gratitude, there was no effort or choice in it after that, like it was effortless after that-

I woke up the day before the first mastectomy schedule and I just woke up singing praise songs, like I didn't have to choose, I just did, it's like you choose and then all the gifts just like...I mean just like I told you the vision from heaven that's like God just said "Ok, Now I can move my hand and all these gifts just come, come, come, come, come, because now it's time for those" – Does that make sense? But I still had to choose it before, but I didn't have to choose it again... it just was like effortless, and I can just look out the window and just go "Oh my gosh, the trees are so freaking beautiful, thank you God for trees" and I don't ever do that, anyway ...

The only day I had to make a choice after that was very recently after the doctor's visit, you know last Wednesday, that was like the first time I had to actually "Oh God, please give me something to be thankful for today.

Meggie: Which one was that?

Chris: Which one was what?

Meggie: The doctor's visit?

Chris: Last week, when I went to the doctor, that was the one you kind of missed out on, I didn't tell you any of this because you were on vacation and I knew you were going to spend one day away from Matt and I was like "of course, the day I have to call her will be the day she's not with Matt, and she will be by herself or something, but, no I went to the doctor. So I felt this lump on this side, but I just went for a regular follow up, but before that, I felt it, and I kept going "They already biopsied, they already biopsied, they already biopsied, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine" and then when I went for my routine follow up and she did my exam, she said, "Oh, that's new. That wasn't there before; we need to get another mammogram and ultrasound"

And I felt like my earth, I felt like the world fell out from underneath my feet, cause I was just getting better like I am now.

Like I'm able to walk now, you know I am at the tail end of this and halfway through my 12 week recovery, and the thought of starting all over again, you know I ... go back and have a mastectomy, and do this whole thing all over again when it's just getting to be over. So I really felt like the world got pulled out from underneath me.

And of course, you know, Papa and dad were here, and they're like "Oh it's gona be fine, it's gona be fine, it's gona be fine" and I'm like dad doesn't want to see me cry. And Lisa and Zach were sweet, they stayed that night they ate dinner with us, it was a good distraction. And then the next morning, I was doing my devotional "The 1000 Gifts" and I really had to beg God "Please, please remind me of some blessings, because I cannot think of any today"

Yesterday was wonderful (laughing), but anyway that was the only day, every other day I feel like it's a gift to just be so grateful all the time. I don't know, that was a side track but that was the point, that it's a choice, but then it is not work after that.